Twenty Something Writers

The piece was written by Floreta from The Solitary Panda

Do you believe in ghosts? No, I mean really believe in ghosts? Mama says I’m crazy for believing in ‘em. She put me in the mental hospital ’cause I said I saw the virgin Mary on my bookcase with a pig nose. God must not like that. But it was there clear as day! Except it was night time when it happened. The shadows all dark and scary-like in my room. The virgin Mary all glowin’ like ya ain’t seen that before. I slept in the closet to keep the shadows out. The closet’s so dark I can’t see nothin’, not even shadows! Sometimes, when I’m bored, I talk with my hands like they was puppets. I said these hands are the Devil talkin’. The Devil is my friend. Mama didn’t like that. That’s why she put me away. Says I’m possessed. Says I need exorcising. Now, I’ve heard of exercising but I ain’t heard of exorcising in my life. The priest came but he wouldn’t exorcise me. Says he’s not qualified. That’s why she put me away.

There were nightmares. I’d sleep next to mama’s bed on the floor, in my favorite puke-green sleeping bag that wrapped me up tight, like a mummy. I felt safe there. I woke up with chills down my spine and my body all sweatin’ out heat, but I’d be shiverin’ all the while. Then mama’d try to comfort me and the shadows would come again. Eat me up whole. The shadows come for mama too. Her face looked different. Scary. She wasn’t my mama no more. She was somethin’ else. I screamed. I screamed for mama. What’d you do with mama? Who are you? That’s why she put me away.

Every day, after school, I’d play with this game I made! I could talk to ghosts that way. The ghost’s name was Pam. Pam was my friend since I didn’t have any. The schoolboys always spit on my face and try to beat me. I ain’t done nothin’ wrong to ‘em. Why they gotta be so mean for? They pushed me down and I tried to get up but the policeman come and told ‘em to git on goin’. They ran, and the policeman asked if I was ok. I wasn’t gonna cry until he asked. I hated the policeman for making me cry. Why should he care? I ain’t nothin’ to nobody.

I asked Pam how she died. She spelt the word F-I-R-E. I asked Pam if she could tell the future. If she knew how I would die. She spelt the word C-R-A-S-H. I been fascinated by car crashes ever since. I told mama I would die in a car crash. Told her Pam said so. She didn’t like that. That’s why she put me away.

I didn’t know where they was taking me, but they packed one suitcase. Daddy drove the car since mama can’t drive. She won’t admit it, but she’s too chicken. It’s true. It was night time again, so I knew we wasn’t goin’ on vacation. Mama sat with me in the backseat. She never done that before. They wouldn’t say nothin’ to me. Everyone was quiet and I cried ’cause they wouldn’t say nothin’. I tilted my head back and looked up at the stars. Thought I’d die right then, and I’d be happy. Just lookin’ up at how big the sky looked. We didn’t crash though. Instead, we drove to this brick buildin’. The wind was cold against my cheeks.

Oh, it’s not so bad here. The brick buildin’ is warmer than it seems on the outside. My favorite’s the arts and crafts room. I be cuttin’ and pastin’ and drawin’ everyday. It just brings light in my eyes to see them markers and pens scattered every which way and me doodlin’. I could doodle all day. They stick needles in my arms. Force me to drink liquid that looks like pee. I scream ’cause I don’t want any. I won’t let them make me. They have to call mama to come in and coax me. I take it, like magic. I want to scream more so I won’t be so alone here. So mama can come back. I haven’t made any friends. Don’t know why we all here. All of us kids. Don’t know what’s wrong with me. They don’t say nothin’. Why do grown-ups always gotta be so quiet for? “Because I said so?” If I ever have kids, i’ll never utter that sentence to ‘em. Not me. Why am I here? I’m still waitin’ for my car crash. Mama says I’m crazy. Maybe I am.